B: Hello and welcome to Not Without Another Eyeshadow palette! Oh, no. Not Without My Sister! With… me, Beatrice, and you…
R: [laughing] Rosemary
B: [laughing] I got too confused there.
R: That was honestly like you were in some kind of, like, you were in a drama class and they were like, ‘Now you have to improv this’, and you were in a panic, on stage, going, ‘me, Rosemary and… you…’
B: Thanks! Thanks a lot. So… eh, Not Without My Sister, the podcast where we discuss all types of things and today we’re going to talk about all of the subscriptions that Rosemary has wracked up over the course of this pandemic. And in an ongoing fashion. How she manages to spend her money… well. And wisely. And how she likes to be… taken care of.
R: How Rosemary has committed to spending her money, each and every month, ahead of time. How Rosemary is stealing from her future self.
B: Well, in fairness, I have a fair amount of subscriptions myself, so… I don’t want to be too quick to throw shade.
R: Listen, there’s two of us in it.
[music plays]
R: Today we’re going to talk about all of the subscriptions that we’ve signed up to since… lockdown. And, in my case, probably before. To be fair.
B: Well, actually, this was prompted by the fact that I went on to Amazon Prime the other day and I had signed up to MHC, the foreign TV station, so that I could watch all of those female protagonists that we proceeded to not talk about. And I unsubscribed from it, because it’s $7.99, on top of my Amazon Prime – this is how they get you, right? So I unsubscribed from it, right, cos I’m like, I’m actually bored…
R: Seven ninety-nine. Last of the big savers, Beatrice.
B: Yeah, what’s her name, Ulrika… well, it all adds up! It all adds up, as they say!
R: Oh, I know it does, yeah! I know.
B: So I unsubscribed because I’ve gotten bored of Ulrika the detective, whatever her name is. She seems to do nothing except plod around in…
R: You can’t even remember her name now, what a feminist you are!
B: [laughing] She seems to do nothing except plod around in kitten heels on the cobbled streets of Hamburg, and I was like, this is ridiculous – she’s learning nothing! Anyway, so I go into Amazon and I go, manage my subscriptions, fine. In I go, unsubscribe from MHC. Then it’s like, ‘Would you like to unsubscribe from anything else?’ ‘I’ll have a look!’ Sez I! In I go. Amazon Kids – last used, 2015. I unsubscribed from it promptly.
R: How much was that charging you?!
B: Like, $1.99. Nothing major. Last of the mega big spenders. Kindle Unlimited! $15.99 a month! Last used…2015.
R: What does Kindle Unlimited get you again? Does it get you free… free downloads?
B: Unlimited Kindles! Unlimited Kindles. Not Kindles. Unlimited downloads on your Kindle.
R: Well that’d actually be good. $15.99 for unlimited… I don’t… I think your’e incorrect. I think it’s certain titles you get unlimited. They select a certain amount.
B: Whatever. Whatever! It was $15.99 a month and we had read three of them over the course of our entire subscription, which… if it’s been going on since, whatever, 2015, is an expensive way to read books.
R: Somebody please do the maths and let us know how much Beatrice3 has spent on Kindle Unlimited in the last six years.
B: A lot! A lot. At least… [pauses] A thousand euro. Dollars. Give or take.
R: Would you throw that away now?!
B: No! Mom would. She’s a spendthrift.
R: [laughing] What’s the best subscription you’ve ever signed up to… oh no, hang on. Give me a list of the subscriptions you’re currently signed up to, and then I’ll give you mine, and we can discuss what’s good and what’s bad.
B: I signed up to Canva, so we can do our newsletter.
R: And Flodesk.
B: And Flodesk. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, you’ll have to say that. I signed up to Ipsy, because I obviously need to be putting on more makeup, while I’m working from home, since I now have a ring light shining on my face all day long during Zoom meetings, so I need my makeup to be top notch. I’ve also been doing different eyebrow looks, on a daily basis, and then letting my colleagues guess who I’m channelling through my eyebrows.
R: That sounds very professional, Beatrice.
B: [laughing]
R: Sounds like a great use of all of your time.
B: Colleague. One colleague! Listen. I put on the makeup before work, and then he takes one second… sorry. Giveaway. He or she…
R: Kevin. Is it Kevin.
B: …takes a second to comment on and most of the times he doesn’t comment which makes me think I’ve done a terribly bad job, but every now and then, he’s like… ‘Is this…?’ It’s a pretty limited selection, I have to say. ‘Is this Kim Kardashian? Who’s this today? What’s going on with the bushy eyebrows this morning?’ And sometimes I’ve done nothing and I’m just like, ‘Why is he commenting on me?’
R: You should do Frida Kahlo some day.
B: [a silence] Oh. I think I did Cara Delevingne but I think the fact that my face is just my own face, every day, limits my ability to morph into these people through just eyebrow magickery.
R: Well what you need to learn is how to morph into them using contouring.
B: Well, you see you’re much more into… When I signed up to Ipsy and it asked how adept I was at makeup and I went, ‘Very comfortable!’ And then I saw lots of the people on Instagram with their extreme makeup face and I went in and adjusted it to, ‘Mildly comfortable’. [laughs]
R: Okay, Ipsy… what else?
B: What about you, what else? You did Stitchfix.
R: Oh no, I’ve cancelled Stitchfix because they just kept sending me… mom clothes, not that there’s anything wrong with…
B: But you did have… we’re talking about, in the last year, during the pandemic, what subscriptions did you have? You did have it.
R: Oh yeah. Sorry, sorry. Pre-pandemic, I signed up to, and then quickly unsubscribed from Fenty x Rihanna. I signed up, I got one month of special Valentine’s which was, a little sparkly purple and pink see-through bralette, with matching crotchless panties.
B: Oh, you were very excited about them!
R: I was at the time. Yeah. Listen! I’m a really easy sell. I was like, this is going to be great, I’m going to look just like Rihanna. I did not, readers. Two tumblers, with Fenty x Rihanna logos on them. Why would you want to drink out of them?
B: Amazing! Where are they? Are they in pride of place in your kitchen?
R: No. I gave them to Goodwill, because I’m very generous. A… crop, for… whipping each other. Brandin has not let me whip him with the crop once.
B: [incredulous laughter]
R: I literally was, just let me whack you with this once. He’s like, I’m not into pain. I’m like, yeah but I! I would really like…
B: Would you not… what does he think? Actually he’s probably right, you probably would wallop him.
R: Oh my God, I would absolutely have walloped him. All of those workouts, I’d be like, this enormous muscle can take it. His BUM is what I’m talking about. Sorry.
B: Okay. TMI. What about if… What about… Oh Jesus Christ! I didn’t know what you meant!
R: I genuinely meant his arse! I wouldn’t be whipping him anywhere else!
B: [indecipherable laughter] Oh God! Gross! Sorry, Mum and Dad! And Brandin, I suppose. And Don, if you have to listen to this. And Liam. And everyone. Anyway, em… Okay, well why don’t you give him… why don’t you put the whip in his hand, the crop in his hand, and let him whip your face…
R: Because I don’t want him to crop me! I want to crop him!
B: [laughing] to crop you!
R: Or whip him, or whatever!
B: Is it not supposed to be… a mild, like, shush shush shush that people don on the drums with the similar thing.
R: No, what’s that called? There’s a different name for that, with all the different strings on it? I can’t remember what that’s called.
B: No I’m talking about playing the drums here! I’m talking about playing the drums, and they go shush shush shush. Is it not supposed to be gentle – whatever intensity your partner requests? It’s not supposed to be that your partner’s afraid you’re gonna beat them with this crop.
R: Listen! I’m not making him sign an S&M contract. I literally just want to crop him really hard once. That’s all I want. Otherwise sure why do I have this Rihanna crop?!
B: Well, I have to say, this doesn’t sound very sexy, so why don’t you just wait until he’s in the kitchen some day… unsuspecting… go up behind him and give him a good hard crop. [laughing]
R: Because he’d actually murder me! I whipped him one day with a towel and he let out such a roar I was genuinely frightened. Anyway. So…
B: That goes to our other episode about pain thresholds. I have to say, not to be… NOT ALL MEN, and not to be sexist, but I have to say, these men are very delicate. [laughing]
R: Oh my God, he honestly… and then also, I chirped in his ear one time, you know when you kind of go – [makes kissy noise] – in his ear, and he won’t even let me kiss the side of his face any more, he’s so terrified.
B: [wheezing laughter]
R: So anyway. The Fenty x Rihanna was a dud and I unsubscribed. Then, over lockdown I had Stitchfix, which sends you, I think 5 items of clothing and/or accessories, and then you can decide whether or not to keep them. And I kept that up for about… eight months. And I do have a good few things – I’m looking at my wardrobe now – I do have a good few things from Stitchfix, but they just kept sending me…
B: And why did they think you were such a nerd, like? Why did they think you were such a dweeb? Did you keep picking things that were real dweeby, and then they just tailored you to that?
R: No, so you don’t get to pick them. You do this quiz of, like, I like this and I don’t like this, and they’re supposed to then get a feel for your style. But genuinely I think it’s because I’m plus-size, that all of their plus-size stuff was floral batwing tops. D’you know what I mean? They just sent me a lot of… crap.
B: My friend was working as a… what’s it called, a wardrobe…
R: A stylist for Stitchfix?
B: A stylist, yeah. And she said it’s high, high pressure. It’s extreme hours and, like, they’re really… you know, cos obviously it’s all algorithmic based, if you know what I mean, and so it’s all based on, like you said, what you buy and then what other people are buying who are similar to you, etc, in terms of body, but also purchases etc. And she said it’s really intense in terms of, they keep track of your return rate, your… and also how quick you are to style clients. It’s really, like, that took you an extra minute compared to the average. It’s a lot! Cos you’re also trying to obviously get it entirely right, you know?
R: Yes, yeah. And I mean you’d actually feel bad for them sometimes because you’d be giving feedback and going, ‘Everything in this was hideous. There was nothing in this that I would’ve said yes to in the quiz, kind of thing’ but then you’d feel bad because, like, I’m sure this is someone doing this as her side hustle, as they say, and trying to make a few bob, and I’m like, ‘I didn’t keep anything.’ And then there’d be other times – so what happens is, if you keep all five items, they would give you something like 20% off your total. So sometimes it would be more worth your while to keep five than to keep three, or even if you were thinking of keeping two, you’d be like, well that’ll cost me $150. For another $70 I could have three more things, you know what I mean? So you’d end up keeping the five. And sometimes when you kept everything, and it wouldn’t be a reflection that everything was gorgeous, but then you’d know that that stylist would be getting a big gold star for, like, they kept everything. D’you know what I mean?
B: Oh… that’s interesting, yeah. Well she said it’s quite demanding. It’s something like 20 hours for this side hustle, which is, you know, on top of your full-time job, is a lot of hours, if you’re trying to…
R: That’s a pretty big side hustle.
B: Yeah but it seemed like a pretty nice place to work. Everybody was genuinely very nice, and the people who were there for a long time were super… passionate about it.
R: They really, really loved it! I also signed up to Causebox. Oh no, now you’re going to know all my filthy secrets.
B: Did you?!
R: Yeah. So there’s a girl that I follow on YouTube and Instagram called Sierra Schultzzie. She has a – I can’t remember what it’s called but she does some kind of body positive YouTube channel, and she has a vlog channel with her husband, and she has her own channel. And she did a thing where she bought from the first five Instagram ads to target her in any given day, and one of the things she bought was this Causebox, and she reviewed it and I was just like, that looks great! That looks like really good value. So, it’s like $50 per box, and you get one each quarter – if you sign up for a year, at $200. I think it’s slightly more if you sign up for six months, or whatever. So I signed up for the full year, and in my first box, we got… four marble coasters, which are very basic but actually very nice. We got a brushed rose gold kettle, which actually I don’t like, because we have an actual electric kettle – this is one that goes on the stove. And Brandin is now obsessed with it, whenever I make myself a cup of tea he’s like, ‘Why aren’t you using the kettle?!’ I’m like, ‘Because it’s too much hassle! I just use the other one and it just pops itself!’
B: Does it not get really hot, as well?
R: So, it looks like it should. I’ll actually send you a picture of it. But it’s basically metal, and the handle is metal and everything, but the handle doesn’t get hot, I don’t know how.
B: Oh, that’s good. So, when you say ‘we’ are you talking about you and Sierra Schultzzie? “We” got?
R: No. Me and Brandin.
B: Oh. I thought it was you and Sierra. I was like, ‘This one’s getting notions about herself with this Causebox.’
R: No, Sierra got different things cos she signed up to a different box, if you know what I mean. I also got a facial toner that’s like white truffle or something, that I am never putting on my face.
B: Ugh! Truffle on my face! The dog would love that.
R: I might give that to Kim.
B: [laughing]
R: And then… there were two other things, that I now… oh, a bamboo silk pillowcase…
B: D’you know what you should do? D’you know what you should actually do? In the middle of the night you should get the truffle oil and drop it on Brandin’s face, see how the dog and cats react.
R: Oh my God, can you imagine, he’d wake up and there’d be a cat devouring his head!
B: Imagine how much you’d spell all day long if it’s anything like an actual truffle!
R: Oh, gross, I can’t even open it! There was something else that I can’t remember what it was. But it was nice. Everything was nice. But they also do a very convincing job of going, the recommended retail price on this is $45, so you’re like, oh my God I’m getting a bargain! I got everything there for $50.
B: But I presume it’s actually for a good cause, right?
R: No. It’s not actually, that’s misleading.
B: Oh!
R: But they source everything from, eh, small, sustainable and ethically sourced businesses. So the cause is that they’re supporting small business, so none of it’s gonna be from your Walmart or your Target or even your J Crew or your… you know what I mean? All of it’s people you haven’t heard from, or I think they try to focus on businesses owned by people of colour, as well. So I think in that box, I’m pretty sure everything was owned by… was from a Black-owned business. So that’s kind of… that’s the cause. Then there’s Fabletics… which… I must have paid Fabletics, at this point, at least five hundred – at least a thousand. I was like, five hundred, at least a thousand.
B: I mean, I have to say, I do love Kate Hudson though.
R: She’s very likeable.
B: And! I mean, with a mom like that… could you go wrong? And a dad!
R: Yeah, I know, I love them!
B: Stepdad. But, like, adorable! I love them too. I just rewatched Overboard the other day with the kids, and ever since then Chance has been doing that voice, the kid who talks like this! [mimics oddly-voiced child from Overboard] It’s so annoying!
R: [laughing] That’s actually amazing. I signed up to Fabletics first when I was in Ireland, years ago, and they weren’t – like, three or four years ago, but they weren’t shipping to Ireland at the time, so I remember I had to do it via AddressPal, so I’d have to get it shipped to the UK, you know, the proxy thing. So it would cost an extra tenner per…
B: You are… you know what? Have anybody met anybody more determined to part with her money? Sorry, we don’t deliver to you…
R: Sorry, have anybody ever met anybody?! What?! No, they have not. And I also… like I…
B: Nice deflection!
R: But, I’ve said this before, I’m absolutely a marketeer’s dream. I think I opened a copy of Bliss magazine one day or something and it was like, ‘Kate Hudson has launched Fabletics’ and immediately I’m like… FABLETICS DOT COM, within seconds.
B: She launched, eh, she did, eh, she was wearing something cute the other day and it turned out to be a post from, I don’t know, 2018, and it was some clothing line she was doing with New York & Company, and I immediately went on, determined to find these clothes, which I’m sure would be horrific on me. Anyway it turns out it closed down about a year ago. So unlike you, who’s way ahead of the trend, I am way behind the Kate Hudson trend and I couldn’t buy any. But anyway. Back to you.
R: D’you remember she did something with… Baublebar or one of those shoe subscription companies. There was something before Fabletics, she had something…
B: There’s also, she’s now got, I don’t know, some health and wellness thing… Did you see that?
R: No, but Fabletics has launched an app, so like Peloton, where you can do, like, yoga and barre and I think they have a cycling one and they have all sorts of different ones.
B: No, it’s more about where they interview people and have them do guided meditations and… I don’t know, I couldn’t figure out quite what she was selling, but I’m sure that part is coming.
R: I mean. Doesn’t matter to me, I’ll buy it.
B: I find her very enjoyable on Instagram. And I enjoyed watching, there was a segment the other day with her son doing an Australian accent, did I send that to you?
R: You did, yeah.
B: It was gas.
R: I mean, 50% of the messages you send me on Instagram are now from Kate Hudson.
B: No, they are not. And it was very funny and relatable. Where she was like, ‘you can’t be cursing!’ I was like, I relate to this except my kids are nine and under and hers is 15. Maybe she’s a better parent than I am. Anyway, on you go.
R: I signed up to Fabletics, where you pay, in dollars it’s $49.95 per month and you get one outfit, or one, sometimes it’s like a jacket that you’ll get for your one credit, d’you know what I mean? Because it’s like a higher value. And I really like it.
B: Can you pick it?
R: Yes. So basically between the 1st and the 4th or 5th of every month, you have four or five days to skip the month, if you decide you don’t want to buy your member credit, otherwise you’re billed $49.95. Then you have one credit and then you can go and pick an outfit. And the credit is good for, I think, a year, so if you don’t like anything in that month’s drop, you can wait until the next month. And now, actually, they’re putting up – I think they got really, really popular and what would happen is they would drop things on the 1st of the month and then by the 5th or 6th everything would be gone, so they’ve started now dropping things every week instead. So it’s fewer things, but more of a regular “new in”. Yeah, and I just really like them! The fit is really nice, they’re really good quality, they wash well, they dry well… The problem now is, of course, I have way too much workout gear, so I really need to not buy any more.
B: It feels like, kind of a… it’s not quite as specific to workout as it was in the beginning. It’s a little bit more athleisure, versus pure workout, right?
R: Oh yeah. I have a pair of black kind of brushed cotton joggers that, like, you’d wear on a night out, you know what I mean? Not joggers but, like, you know what I mean…
B: Brushed. Cotton. Joggers. I am telling you, Brandy, between the crop and the brushed cotton joggers, it is stylorama chez nous.
R: No! No they… they almost feel more like cupro. Like that soft cotton. You know what I mean? They’re nice. You could dress them up, is what I’m saying.
B: A nice pair of wedges.
R: You absolute bitch. Anyway. Fabletics…
B: I actually was thinking that’s kind of a cute image, in fairness.
R: But I have decided that I need to unsubscribe. I remember when I first subscribed, some of the feedback that I was seeing online was like, it’s really hard to unsubscribe. And the problem is, you can’t just go on to the website and unsubscribe, you have to call them. So that’s the problem. But once you call them, it’s easy. So yeah when I wanted to unsubscribe I just called them and said I wanted to unsubscribe and they said, ‘Are you sure? Is there anything we can do? Could we offer you X, Y, Z?’ And I said, no. I stuck to my guns. And I unsubscribed. And I think I’m going to do the same now. That was when I had the European subscription. I think I’m gonna do the same now, because I literally have… approximately 12 full sets of workout gear, which would keep me going for approximately six months, without even washing any of them.
B: I mean, the thing that I find annoying about some subscriptions is, and probably not the ones where you’re buying things, like it’s more service-based, you know? If you sign up to Equifax, which is a service to help you monitor your credit, so specifically, you know, American, because there are three different agencies that monitor your credit here and your final credit score is a blend of the three of them. And it’s impossible, like, once a year you’re entitled to a free credit score, given to you, you know, through the government. And after that you’ve to pay for every additional one you want. And I signed up to that and then I tried to unsubscribe and of course it’s like, call this number, then, you know, know magically which numbers to press, blah blah blah. They don’t make it easy, right? And then at the end, it’s like, 49.99 a month, I think, and I was doing it to build my credit, so I could keep track of… because I wanted to buy a house, at the time, when I was buying my first house. And then finally I got through to somebody and they’re like, ‘Oh, well, if you stay we’ll give it to you for $9.99 a month!’ Which is so annoying! And then there was something else I was subscribed too. Oh, I was subscribed to Noom, which is like the different version of Weight Watchers, you know, and at the end when I tried to unsubscribe, $49.99 a month as well, they’re like, ‘Would you like this for $19.99?’ I was like, yeah I would actually, I would’ve liked it for 19.99 from the beginning.
R: It’s so annoying! The New York Times did that to me, as well, when I tried to unsubscribe. And actually it was more because I think I was trying to cut down on all my subscriptions before I moved here because I imagined I needed to save money. Lol!
B: You do! We all do!
R: I know. I contacted them and was like, I’d like to unsubscribe or something, then they’re like, ‘We’ll give it to you for $4 a month.’ And now I still have it for $4 a month! It’s great!
B: Dead right! I need to call up and try to unsubscribe so I can get it cheapened.
R: I know! And I have more access than you do, I think, for my $4 a month. I have access to the cookery and everything.
B: Yeah! You do, actually. I mean, I have access to it through you, thanks. Which is very convenient for you.
R: I mean, I also have, look, I had Audible which I just unsubscribed from.
B: Oh, but you used that a lot.
R: No, so I used to use it a lot when I used to drive over to your house, when I’m walking I prefer to listen to podcasts, whereas when I’m driving I find audiobooks are better. I don’t know why. So I just stopped using it, so I unsubscribed from that. And I also have two different Amazon Primes because I signed up for a free month of Amazon Prime UK so that I could send our aunt Ursula a box of truffles with free shipping, and then I forgot to unsubscribe, so I had two months of that. And then I signed up to Amazon.com Prime for a free month so that I could get Brandin’s birthday present delivered for free, and then I forgot to unsubscribe from that so now I’m on month two of that.
B: Oh my God. You’re useless!
R: Oh yeah. Another thing I subscribed to, over quarantine… I mean, listen there were loads of things that I considered, I was like, will I sign up to this paint for numbers, will I sign up to this monthly craft kit… we did sign up to Kiwico for the boys, which was this kind of crafts and STEM kit, where you can say, like, my kid is interested in science or my kid is interested in art or my kid is interested in whatever, and they send you a box each month of something to create with your child. We signed up to that for William and the first month, it just took, I think, about three weeks to ship, and we were like, this is ridiculous, so we decided to cancel it, but by the time we cancelled it the second month had already come out. So we ended up getting two. But the first month was, like, a notebook sleeve. Because we said that was interested in art, which he is. The first one was a kind of a pleather notebook sleeve that you could stitch together, and then the second month was a – which we haven’t actually made yet – but it’s a crossbody canvas bag that you tie-dye at home. Which is cute, but they were both quite similar or something. Do you know what I mean? They were both bags or holders, where I was like, hmmm, I’m not sure.
B: I signed up to, what’s it called, America’s Test Kitchen for kids, thinking this would be fantastic for Nash. Well. I have four unopened things inside. He opened a couple of them. Oh! Pizza pockets! I think what he really means is, can’t wait for you to make these! I did make, with them, one thing where we had to go and get gelatine and made these spheres inside coke and… it was actually… you know, at the end, I was exhausted. I was buying this to entertain you, not so that I would have another thing hanging over my head for me to do. So, not a win I’d have to say. I have to unsubscribe from that. I did get him, also, National Geographic kids, because I was always super jealous of people who had National Geographic magazines, growing up. We never had it. Thanks Mum and Dad. So I subscribed to that. But he’s not that interested – but Beau loves it, so that’s a win.
R: Oh! That’s good. Have you made oobleck for them, slightly off the topic of subscriptions?
B: What? What is that?
R: I must send you a link. So it’s basically this kind of… It’s really weird. It’s like a cross between slime and putty but it’s not actually messy in the way that slime is. You make it from a mixture of cornflour, or maybe corn starch. Once again, I’ll look it up and I’ll put a link in the show notes, and water. You use equal parts of whatever, corn starch or cornflour, I think it’s corn starch, and water. And it creates this thing that, if you punch it, it’s hard. It’s solid. But if you put your finger into it slowly, it’s like a gel. You know what I mean? It’s really, really weird. But the kids are obsessed with it. We made it one day and they spent the whole time going, ‘Look at this! My finger’s in the oobleck!’ And then they’d be like, ‘I can’t get my hand in the oobleck!’
B: And what happens if – well, I made mum’s play dough. And that’s grand, like, so that’s easy to make with whatever, salt and water and flour and they love that. But they love play dough. But they love slime! And…
R: Oh, I know.
B: I had to cut a massive chunk of Chance’s hair off, because he got slime in it. Like… slime is not a children’s invention! Who thought this was a genius idea?! And I bought all this play dough slime, because I was like, well, play dough, an excellent brand…
R: Washable!
B: Definitely washable. NOT REMOTELY WASHABLE! Big green splodge on the blanket that you bought me, I’m sorry to say. Yes!
R: On the – on the what?
B: One of the pink blankets that you bought me… last year! You know this!
R: Oh my God, for a second I thought it was the new blanket that I just knitted you. I was like, my precious!
B: No! Although yesterday Don rescued it from the clutches of the dog’s mouth. The dog was wrapping herself up in it and I said, this needs to go into a safe house, into a safe drawer upstairs.
R: I told you that needs to go downstairs, where the dog does not go!
B: Downstairs! Oh yeah, that’s a good idea. Well the cat’s downstairs, scratching all over the furniture. I think it needs to go into a safe, until they’ve all left home.
R: It needs to go into a glass case and you can all just gaze at it. But sorry, the one that I was going to say, that I subscribed to, and was so excited about, was Succulent Studios.
B: Oh yeah!
R: So… it’s $10 a month, and then you pay…
B: Is that the one, now, that under your advice, that I bought for Kim?
R: Yes.
B: And I fear that her succulents may also have met the same fate that yours did, because when she went away and came back, despite having people in the house, they were missing and had been thrown out because they died.
R: Yes. So you pay $10 a month and you get two little succulents, it’s $6.50 shipping. $16.50. Seemed like a good deal, right? I think I’m on my third month. So I have received six succulents. Three of them are still barely hanging on to life. And the other three died almost immediately. And, like, when they arrived in the box, one of them you’d like take it out of the box really carefully and then all the leaves just went, pfft! And fell off. From transit.
B: Did you tell them?
R: I didn’t actually tell them because when I looked in their comments there were loads of people giving out about the same thing, and I was like, oh they already know. So… I mean, like I do think if you’re shipping plants from California, it’s probably difficult to ship them fully intact and they’re kind of… they’ve probably found the best way of doing it, but it isn’t foolproof. You know what I mean? But I also wonder…
B: I dunno. It doesn’t sound like a very good business model, in fairness.
R: I mean. I know. But I also wonder if, at the moment, because it’s currently minus 10 degrees celsius outside… I’m tempted to unsubscribe but then I’m thinking, maybe I’ll subscribe again in the spring, when they’re not getting so cold in the post. You know what I mean?
B: Well, I hate to break it to you, your first year here, bless you, re-subscribe in May, because that’s when the snow stops.
R: Well that’s what I mean. The spring, May. I didn’t mean March when I know it’s still going to be snowing.
B: That’s when the snow stops. Every single year since I’ve been here – how long have I been here? Five years? Every single year, once a year, I come downstairs and find Don pressed, plaintively weeping, up against the glass as it snows on about May 20th. [laughing]
R: Remember last year, though, I remember it was snowing, like that, snowing on May the 20th and literally two weeks later we were sunbathing.
B: Yeah! Yeah. Well, we’re Irish!
R: Literally, it turned so quickly!
B: We’re Irish! We had to take advantage. The glare off the sun would be great…
R: It was probably only about 16 degrees. We’re like, it’s roasting!
B: There was still snow on the ground! I was like, this is fantastic. Just reflects all that sun back on me.
R: Sure, remember don wouldn’t even get in the pool until August 30th?
B: Until August 30th and the heat was on! Yeah.
R: I also have subscribed to Ipsy, same as you. I now have a drawer full of eyeshadow palettes. And I have to say now, you know what they’re very handy for? Looking at your chin hairs in the window in the sitting room. One of them has a very big mirror. I haven’t used the eyeshadow at all, but it has a very big mirror and it’s good because I realised the other day that there’s no good chin-hair-looking-at-light in the house, and now that I’m never in the car any more, I don’t get a chance to look at my chin hair in the glaring morning light. So now I use my eyeshadow palettes.
B: D’you know what I’d like, to go with my eyeshadow palettes, of which I also have an abundance? I would like some tutorials on how to create different eye looks. Which also goes to why I had to downgrade from expert to novice… makeup person. But I was like, why do they think that all these different colours… I’d like some, you know, hot tips on…here’s how to apply them. Here’s how to do this.
R: Well Beatrice, if you send me a photograph of the eyeshadow palettes that you have, I can send you a YouTube tutorial for each and every one. This is what YouTube is for.
B: I mean, I could probably find them! But I’d expect to see them on the site. Instead of, like, the nonsense that they have on the site is totally un-useful. It could be a great site that you’d go on and navigate and spend hours on, but instead I go on, and I’m like, UGH. But I did go in, after about the first five eyeshadow palettes, and I updated my preferences and I took out all makeup and all eyeshadows and left only skincare! And I promptly received nothing but eyeshadow palettes. So I’m not sure it’s listening to me.
R: What I think really gets you, so Ipsy there’s a subscription that’s $25 a month, and then every what feels like every day, they send you an email going, ‘here’s what else you can buy from our marketplace’. That gets me. Like – I’ve bought so much from that.
B: Well it does not get me! I don’t even read it. I don’t know why you would go in there and do that.
R: Because they have really good brands! They had the Kate Sommerville Goat Milk Moisturiser that I’v heard so many great things about that I’ve now bought twice from the Ipsy Marketplace – by accident!
B: Well you can have mine. It does nothing but burn my face. You can have mine.
R: The Kate Sommerville Goat Milk Moisturiser?!
B: Correct. Correct. I love the way you say the full name. I love the way you say the full name each time, as advertising. The Kate Sommerville Goat Milk Moisturiser.
R: [laughs] Well I was like, maybe she just heard Kate Sommerville and thought I was talking about the spray the acid spray thing that I gave you.
B: No, Rosemary, I meant the Kate Sommerville Goat Milk Moisturiser.
R: You can’t even say that!
B: I can’t! It’s really hard! [laughing]
R: You start tripping over your own lisp! Try it again!
B: That’s very mean. Oh. And, you know what? I was thinking about, the other day, I bought this book called, actually, no. Santa brought me a book called ‘Lies’, I think is what it’s called. Of course, you know me, I’ll find the name later and put it in the show notes. Anyway. And when it arrived, I gave it to Santa’s husband and I said, here hide this. And Santa then lost it. Misplaced it. Put it somewhere so carefully he couldn’t even remember what I was talking about.
R: Relatable.
B: And I found it in a Minecraft backpack yesterday, so I started reading it, right. I don’t know – I mean, literally how does his brain work? He’s just walking down the hall with it in his hand, what’s the first pocket that I’m going to pass by? A Minecraft backpack, so he shoves it in there. Anyway, I found it yesterday and I was reading it and it’s all about tells and it has all this complicated… it’s apparently the work that… this guy who studied lying his entire life, he’s made it his life’s mission to understand it. It’s that TV show, what’s it called, Lie to Me, with Tim Roth was in it, right? And apparently based on this. So I was reading it and there were all these graphs, like, and it says, it talks about, is the liar – is he self-interested? Is he, is this a lie that serves a purpose? Is this a lie of deceit? Is this a lie of, you know, of obfuscation? Whatever. And then there are all these different grids that you’re supposed to fill in, and kind of come to a conclusion of, like, whether or not you’ll be able to detect this kind of lie. I literally was like, Rosemary just is like, she has one grid – it’s like, ‘Is she lisping? She’s lying.’
R: [laughing] Am I lisping, or are you lisping?
B: No! Am I lisping! I don’t even… cos I was practising, I was going, God I’m going to be an expert liar after this, I’m going to have an amazing poker face, I’m going to stop touching my ears and, you know, apparently women touch their collarbone and touch their ears if they’re uncomfortable or if they have – if they’re in any way hiding anything, that it’s just a natural, kind of, sort of distraction technique. It soothes you. You touch these points of your body that are relaxing, because you’re not comfortable telling the lie. I was like, no, I needn’t even bother. I’ll just – even if I had the best poker face, even if I was so excellent at this, the minute I’d go “ttttth”, you would have me.
R: But it’s not even just the lisp. It’s like you do this Drew Barrymore thing where you purse your mouth.
B: No I do not!
R: [laughing] You do! When you’re lying! You do.
B: No, I don’t.
R: Oh my God, it’s so funny.
B: I’m actually a pretty good liar, except to you.
R: What makes you think you’re a good liar?
B: The fact that you have never uncovered my web of lies? Okay. Go back to Ipsy.
R: Your web of lies. [audible eyeroll]
B: The fact that you have – here’s how I know! The fact that you have never uncovered my web of lieth. [laughs]
R: I’m trying to think what other… I think, oh sorry, Hello Fresh. That’s my other recurring… I think that might be my last…
B: Ugh. So boring.
R: I speak too soon. No, well, I was gonna say that I think it might be my last – my one remaining subscription that I’ve not spoken about yet, but I probably have about three more.
B: What about Bouqs? Do you have that any more?
R: No. I unsubscribed from that. But I did subscribe to that during lockdown, so Bouqs is basically an online florist where you can sign up for a subscription, I think it saves you 15% on the regular prices, and then you get a bunch of flowers sent every month, and you can change who they’re sent to. So I actually thought it was really nice, because, like, a couple of times I sent them to you, you know, if I was just like, oh it’s Beatrice’s birthday, or, she did this for me, or whatever, and I’d send them to you, and then I’d send a bunch to someone else who had got me some work, and then a couple of months I sent bunches to myself, because I was just like, I love having flowers around the house, and it was just really nice – because I love having flowers around the house! So it was lovely!
B: So why did you unsubscribe? I subscribed as well, but I only did a three-month subscription. To your point, I sent one to someone for their birthday, another person’s birthday, and one to somebody who moved house, it was like, congratulations for moving house.
R: I unsubscribed because I was spending like $60 or $70 a month on flowers, and I was like, I’m not at that point of, like, rich lady. I want to be!
B: A-haha! Give us a break! Nobody bought that line.
R: What do you mean?!
B: I’m not at that point. You’ve just gone through 72 subscriptions, you’re like, I’m not at that point in my life where I can justify $70 a month.
R: No, no, no, no. Not even where I can justify… but like…
B: $70 a month on flowers isn’t bad! Hold on! Peloton! You forgot about Peloton.
R: Oh Peloton! $49 a month, isn’t it? Forty-something.
B: Oh! I signed up to Maeve Madden. It hasn’t been the best month for exercising.
R: Queens don’t quit!
B: This queen hasn’t quit! This queen has paused.
R: I just started back on the Peloton now that my ankle is 80% better, although it’s a bit sore today, so I feel like I might want to take another day off. I just started back on the Peloton this week, and actually I got an email at one point from somebody at Peloton, basically going, we notice you haven’t been on the Peloton, is everything okay?
B: Oh that’s nice! They love you! They care about you!
R: Which I found rude! I felt like writing back and going, I’ve injured myself! But, like, it’s an automated email.
B: They just care! They care about your wellbeing! Okay. Blue Apron, whatever it’s called. Hello Fresh. Food subscription.
R: I signed up to that from another YouTube… I mean, I’d heard about it on loads of podcasts, loads of YouTubers, and I saw one YouTuber saying, if you sign up using my code, you’ll get $90 off your first four orders or something, and I was like, that sounds great.
B: Rosemary! You have eaten Hello Fresh in my house multiple times, over the last couple of years!
R: I don’t know if I have!
B: Yes you have!
R: I had definitely eaten Purple Carrot, is that the vegan or the vegetarian one?
B: Yeah… We had Hello Fresh in New York!
R: Oh, did you? I don’t remember?!
B: Yes! You absolutely ate it. And… probably just didn’t even notice. You probably gave me credit for that.
R: What I was gonna say, more was, like, of course I’ve heard of it and we’ve all heard of it cos it’s heavily advertised everywhere, but I signed up to it from this YouTuber and we’re actually still subscribed now, but kind of considering unsubscribing. But it is very handy just knowing that, the odd night…
B: Ugh! I did not think it was handy! I thought every single meal was so convoluted. But you see I also was doing all the vegetarian meals, so I wonder if that was more… Nothing was simple.
R: No. I think they’re all convoluted. Even with the meat ones, right, so you have your meat and your rice or your potatoes or whatever, and then you have a vegetable and then you usually have some kind of salsa and some kind of sour creamy sauce to drizzle on top and then some kind of seeds and you’re like, no wonder I never make these kind of meals for myself, I wouldn’t be putting 20 million things into them!
B: But I just want… sorry to sound like Mum! Honest-to-God, like, farm-to-table…
R: Pasta with butter!
B: Would it not be nice to have a nice farm-to-table, because I know they’re always like, fresh ingredients, delivered, fresh… I actually did think Purple Carrot was very delicious but again it was not super simple, because they’re trying to make amazing things out of vegetables. But wouldn’t you just love an honest-to-God, meat and two veg. Tasty. Simple. [a pause] No I actually wouldn’t like that at all. But just something simple. I personally am a great advocate of the old salmon and Brussels sprouts! And it’s delicious with the auld miso sauce! And it’s not hard!
R: That is actually delicious.
B: You know what would be great? If they could pick some five-minute options… I don’t know that you can sort by the time it takes for preparation, can you?
R: No, I don’t think you can. And also, when they say, takes 10 minutes for preparation, it doesn’t. It takes me ages.
B: It used to take me at least 40 minutes, and then I’d be gone off the idea of eating it. Cos that’s the problem, as well, I’m not that into cooking – after I’ve done all the cooking. I’m not that into eating it, after I’ve done all the cooking I’ve gone off it. Maybe that’s… I mean, not that I’m embodying that, but…
R: That sounds like a psychological problem.
B: That actually sounds brilliant! I should cook everything and then eat none of it. As if! So boring.
R: One of the problems with Hello Fresh, I find, is that the meat is all vacuum packed very unattractively. So when you’re cooking chicken, it’s basically like, drain your chicken and pat dry with a paper towel, and at that stage, you’re like don’t want to eat this.
B: [making horror movie noises] Did you ever subscribe to a food service in Ireland?
R: Yeah, there was one for a while in Ireland called Eatstro, and I don’t know if they’re actually doing it any more. I know they had stopped for a while and rebranded so I’m not sure if they’re doing the exact same thing, but that was actually delicious. And one of my problems with Hello Fresh is that I feel like… because they’re catering for so many people, even when something says spicy, it’s never spicy. D’you know what I mean? Everything’s a little bit bland, I find. And then everything… everything that’s Mexican tastes like lime. And everything that’s Thai tastes like coriander. You know what I mean? They just have one…
B: Rosemary, I feel like… are you saying that as a general statement, or are you saying that due to the… cos it sounds racist.
R: No, I’m saying it about Hello Fresh specifically, you absolute head wrecker. They love throwing lime over everything Mexican. They love throwing coriander over everything Thai. Whereas with Eatstro, I remember there were loads of different things. I remember I had a really nice sweet potato curry one time. They were just… I think actually Eatstro was all vegetarian, but it was all just really tasty, yummy food. With really, really nice tastes and flavours, whereas I feel like, with Hello Fresh, a lot of the stuff is a bit bland. I obviously haven’t unsubscribed so I don’t feel it that strongly.
B: I wish I was living in New York. A friend of mine is involved in starting up, in an attempt to help save some of New York’s restaurants, she’s started up a thing called Summer Long Supper Club. It looks amazing. It’s literally like the most amazing gourmet restaurants who will then deliver a meal to your door, doing delivery, they wouldn’t normally do delivery.
R: And is it a meal or ingredients to make it yourself?
B: No it’s a meal.
R: Okay great. Yum. That’s exactly what I want.
B: I would love it. I would absolutely love it.
R: You know what I was saying to Brandin yesterday? I would love to go to a delicious Italian restaurant and have some home made, delicious pasta. That’s what I’d love.
B: God that would be… well, Don makes delicious pasta!
R: Well I know he does!
B: I’ll make him make you some, and I’ll drop it over to you when the snow melts. It’d be so nice! He made pasta aglio olio, which is just oil and garlic, and it was delicious!
R: Sorry, did you need to say ‘aglio olio’?!
B: I did, yeah, for you. It was delicious. Anyway, back to Summer Long Supper Club. It looks amazing. I think they’ve raised over a million dollars for New York restaurants, cos the whole goal is not to let these small restaurants close down.
R: To keep them open, yeah.
B: So it’s brilliant! So if anybody’s in New York, I think they closed their first… they closed down subscriptions, as in, they fulfilled their quota for the first round, but I think they’re going to be doing it again so sign up and keep your eyes open because it’s a really good cause and looks delicious.
R: Whath the name of it again?!
B: [over pronouncing her esses] Summer Long Supper Club. Thanks a lot.
R: Thummer long Thupper Club.
B: It actually looks delicious, seriously. She keeps posting the most delicious looking meals that are driving me insane, especially cos now I can’t even get my…
R: Anything.
B: My anything up my driveway. Yesterday we actually had to go out, we had to get the food delivery – we had to get our supermarket food delivered, because we can’t drive out, they delivered it, they couldn’t get up the driveway so they left it at the end of the road, so we went out like, I don’t even know, like Canadian… I don’t even know.
R: I’m imagining you like Jake Gyllenhall and Dennis Quaid in The Day After Tomorrow, when they go trekking over that shopping mall.
B: Precisely! Exactly, I was like, eh, what’s his name?
R: Explorer Tom Crean?
B: Leonardo diCaprio in that thing, in that one where he’s out in the wild, in the snow, right? That was us.
R: Oh, eh… what’s that called, where he fights the bear?
B: Yeah! That was us. I was fighting the detergent and the soy milk up the drive. And Beau just eventually, like, he got about four feet, dropped it. ‘I can’t do this!’ The drive is actually – I mean, it’s long-ish, but it’s not Leonardo diCaprio fighting a bear long. And honest to God, the amount… we all nearly came to blows, carrying the groceries up.
R: The Revenant!
B: That’s exactly what it was! It was a scene from the Revenant. The five of us in rages. Don with the big bag of dried dog food slung over his shoulder like a grizzly. And then all of us trekking up the drive…
R: Sorry what do you mean, the five of you? Where were the other – the other… Oh yeah. The baby, I suppose…
B: The other one? The baby was in the house, at the window, screaming, thinking we were all leaving him.
R: Aw, was he?!
B: [laughing] Yeah!
R: We’re so evil. Heh, heh. You know, sorry, back to the point – I almost signed up for the Nordstrom Trunk Club, which is quite like Stitchfix.
B: Oh so did I! I mean, honest go God.
R: I was like, this will probably be nicer because Nordstrom has really nice labels, and then I was like, what are you doing? You have a wardrobe full of lovely things and you’ve worn the same leggings and oversized, flesh-coloured jumper for the last six months, you don’t need anything from Nordstrom! So I didn’t.
B: That was a moment of incredible common sense. Brandin must be rubbing off on you. Mum would be delighted. And, what else do you have? Do you have any book subscriptions? Any magazine subscriptions?
R: No. I did try to sign up to… I think the New York Times and something else, on… was it on Walmart? I was buying something from Walmart and it was like, add these subscriptions. Maybe it was Amazing. But anyway they cancelled them so it was just as well. I can’t remember. Maybe my payment was declined. I can’t actually remember.
B: D’you know my credit card, actually, very luckily for me, my stupid credit card that comes between me and my sleep, with the local bank, very nice local bank, however they’re not open at the weekends so if your credit card ever goes kaput over the weekend, you’re in trouble. If you’re somewhere on a Saturday and it gets declined you’ve no one to call, right. It also won’t let me use it without calling them in advance to say, I’m about to order something from Britain, or whatever. So headwreckinh because obviously I’d be ordering loads of stuff from Ireland. But I used to subscribe to The Gentlewoman, have you ever read that magazine?
R: Yes.
B: I think that’s really good. So I used to subscribe to that, and that’s one that I want to subscribe to again, and cannot due to my credit card, so must call them and subscribe to that. I’m also trying to subscribe to The Irish Times, I was trying to support The Irish Times, I wanted to subscribe to them, I can’t subscribe to them from a distance, even just the online, digital version, because of my credit card.
R: I can probably subscribe for you because I still have an Irish credit card. I subscribed to The Irish Times for a while but then I unsubscribed because… I got really annoyed at something they published, where I was like, this is actually ridiculous, and then, what was really annoying was that there’s no way of unsubscribing without actually contacting them. You know what I mean? You have to send them an email, which felt very old-fashioned and annoying. Oh – I also subscribe to Rogue Collective, which is an Irish online publication, I think it was like €4 a month or something. And then I subscribe to a whole load of people on Patreon.
B: Oh that’s what I was going to say! I was about to get your plug in. I also subscribe to you on Patreon.
R: You do!
B: I do, but I have to tell you the truth, I brought that subscription down because I end up giving you so much money on a regular basis. You know that! [laughs]
R: Oh yes, sorry, I thought you meant recently, and I was like, AGAIN!?
B: No! No, not again. I realised it didn’t really make sense – I should just give you the cash in hand, to your little hand, your little grubby hand, outstretched in the doorway.
R: Well, I mean, you don’t need to give me any cash, to be fair. But if you want to, I’m always here. I was gonna say something about – yeah, you also, sorry, you also pay my phone bill, so I will happily sign up to The Irish Times for you.
B: Do we still do that?!
R: Yeah! Did you not know that?
B: Oh! No!
R: This is awkward.
B: Oh. Okay. You’ll have to get a family plan with Brandin.
R: Oh, listen, Brandin’s on a family plan with everyone he’s ever met, there’s about 18 of them on the one plan.
B: [laughs]
R: Honestly! He sends money to one person who sends money to another person each month.
B: Maybe we should all get on that plan!
R: Maybe we should! [laughs]
B: [laughing] Any other subscriptions you’re thinking about, or… looking into?
R: I mean… Netflix. Although I cancelled my Netflix cos now I use Brandin’s. I’m on Spotify, we have a Spotify Duo so…
B: I just subscribed to HBO, so that I could watch Wonder Woman 1984. Excellent timing, four days after it was pulled from the service, so I actually nearly lost my cool because I signed for six months so I’d have a saving of 20%.
R: Oh my God, did you! That’s great news cos I was just thinking I’m never going to get around to watching The Undoing within the next month. Although maybe I will.
B: Oh, for Gods sakes. So anyway that was enraging. I made popcorn, we all sat down on the sofa, then it was nowhere to be found, anywhere. Don could not fathom this. ‘It must be somewhere! Where is it?!’ We couldn’t find it and I was so annoyed.
R: And is it actually nowhere?!
B: It’s actually nowhere. It’s in the cinema.
R: Oh that’s very annoying. I’d love to go to the cinema!
B: I’d love to go to a bookshop.
R: I had a Cineworld subscription when I was in Dublin. That was good, but now it’s closed down. I used it all the time.
B: Oh is it?! That’s sad.
R: I know, it’s really sad. I mean, it’s totally unsurprising because they had a really big premises that I presume they were renting in the heart of Dublin City centre, but yeah I think it’s closed down.
B: Oh, that’s sad.
R: I know, its’ so grim. You know – you know, sorry! You know what just opened in Dublin, this is not about subscriptions at all, Canada goose just opened a flagship store on Grafton St, where the rent must be astronomical, where the jackets from Canada goose start at about €695. That seems like bizarre timing to me!
B: Well the rents are probably less astronomical than they were, or then they will be again… no? If you want, like, if part of your strategy is to get into Ireland. I don’t know, I have no knowledge of Canada goose or their plans. But I’d say they’d do better in Fort Wayne except for the 600-dollar price tag. But a Canada goose jacket would actually be incredibly useful to me here. Any other subscriptions you are contemplating signing up for?
R: Oh my God, I’m always – every subscription I see, I’m contemplating signing up for! What do you mean?
B: I wouldn’t mind a jewellery subscription. I like the surprise of my Ipsy, it’s just fantastic. When it arrives once a month, even though I have selected the pieces and know what’s in it, I have no knowledge. It’s like when I send myself a text as a reminder and my phone goes, [phone noise], and I go, ‘who’s texting me?!’ Every single time. When I open that pink envelope, I’m like, oh my God these things are amazing! Even though I picked them.
R: Yeah, it is nice. A jewellery subscription would be nice. But I’m a snob about jewellery and I would only want – because I’ve so much costume jewellery – I would only want gold or gold-plated and then I feel like it would be too expensive for me to sign up for, you know what I mean?
B: I cannot! The lady with the flowers… I only like gold or gold-plated. I cannot. I would happily take on…
R: The rest of it makes me go green! Honestly!
B: How did you survive all your life?
R: Green rings on my fingers and green rings on my toes.
B: You don’t have to wear rings, you could just get necklaces, earrings… Do you not wear costume jewellery any more?
R: No, I don’t really.
B: Aw, that’s adorable.
R: Beatrice, have you seen this chubby, wrinkly neck? The one thing this wrinkly neck does not need is another ring around it, in green.
B: You do not have a wrinkly neck.
R: I already have two rings – two ring-kles… Two very, very firm wrinkles around my neck and then when I wear costume jewellery I get another one except it’s green. It’s not chic.
B: This is just… nonsense. It depends what kind of costume jewellery it is!
R: Oh sorry! We also signed up to… what was that? What was the wine? Firstleaf.
B: Oh! I was actually thinking of signing up to that again, after I sent Don out in the tundra last night…
R: I love how you’re like, ‘our driveway is impassable. Except for the wine.’
B: Well then we had it – excuse me – we then had it, whatever the term is, plowed and salted. And at about 4 o’clock yesterday I said, oh God I’d love a glass of wine and I’ve nothing, of course, cos I’m not prepared, cos I don’t read the weather, right? Even though I’m Irish, I don’t read the weather. Everybody here is super up on what’s happening in the weather for the next 10 days and I’m always totally shocked, without an umbrella.
R: But – sorry. The difference here is that the weather forecast is correct. In Ireland you’d look at the weather forecast and it would be like tomorrow is going to be blazing sun, and you’d wake up and it would rain all day.
B: The weather forecast here depends – remember how many times during the summer it would say it’d be gorgeous and you’d come over and there would be not a sun in the sky? Anyway!
R: True.
B: Anyway so, at about 4 o’clock yesterday, I was redecorating the boys’ bedrooms in an attempt to get them – to move them back into the bedroom and have an optimistic spare bedroom for the optimistic day when Mum and Dad get a vaccine and come and stay with us. Can’t wait. So I was trying to decorate and actually I was looking at paint colours today I’m thinking I might paint their room, though there’s only one wall that isn’t wooden, so I’d paint that. Anyway at about 4 o’clock my back was nearly broken, sorting out Legos. You know what I was thinking today? I was actually thinking, I’d love to hear from people – what do they do with Legos. Once the kids have made the Lego and broken the Lego, where do people keep it, that it just doesn’t end up in every nook and cranny, in every toy box, like, we can never remake any set – because everything’s gone missing.
R: All the pieces have been dispersed, yeah.
B: Precisely! Anyway. I digress. So at about 4 o’clock I was like, God I’d love a glass of wine. Don goes, ‘Well, if you order it online I’ll drive out and pick it up curbside.’ And I was like, oh my God he’s the best. So I immediately grab my phone, order it, and it’s like, 2.35 miles away, on Illinois Rd. Great. So. Now. I have to say I didn’t really pay attention. I don’t think the website said that it would send, your order is ready. So anyway when I went in to say, hey come and look at the bedroom, he was asleep with the dog curled up in the crook of his knee, and I was like, these eejits. So he didn’t wake up until 6 o’clock so then I felt really bad saying, hey I did take you up on your offer, would you go out. And I actually said I’d go out but I was making dinner, so her said, no, I’ll go. So he goes to get the car, took a good 45 minutes to heat the car up enough to go anywhere with it and to get the ice off the windscreen so at this point, I was like, oh god, this is all a bit dramatic for a glass of wine.
R: Why wasn’t the car in the garage?
B: Because he had tried to drive it out earlier that day. And it froze just from the morning to the afternoon, cos it’s minus 9 degrees celsius here, everyone. So anyway, he then gets in the car, drives off. About 45 minutes later, I’m like, where is he? And then I get a text. ‘What did you order?!’ That was the accent of the text. And I write back, I’m like… three bottles of wine, eh, vodka and a Grand Marnier, which turned out to be the most mini Grand Marnier ever, as it turned out. And he’s like, Did you order something special? I’m like, no, a Grey Goose, a Grand Marnier, and just like three random bottles of wine. He goes, I called them three times, the order’s not ready. Then I look at my phone and it says, we will text you when your order’s ready. I’m like, oh. Oops. I didn’t tell him that. [laughs] Okay?
R: [laughing]
B: So then he texts me again – I called them three times. They say they are still preparing… like, this place is always empty! Like, it’s literally the emptiest of the empty wine shops. This is America, you know? So anyway so I text him and like, tell them they can forget it if you want, don’t worry about it. But he doesn’t, so 20 minutes later he comes… I was like, he must be… where is he? He’s probably skidded off the road and, like, will my glass of wine be worth it? (Listeners, it was. It was delicious.)
R: [laughing] My “glass”. My single glass.
B: Anyway, he finally gets back… oh, pfft, you know me too well. Anyway, he gets home and he goes, yeah, apparently whatever like – I just went on the website, like, clicked red wine and picked a Pinot Noir.
R: Yeah yeah, this looks nice. This looks nice.
B: Apparently there was nowhere to be found. They were in the storeroom, in the stockroom, searching for this elusive bottle of wine, instead of just going, like, do you want to sub this out?! You know, a la… online delivery.
R: Just give you a different one!
B: Yeah. So I felt extremely guilty. But it was just heaven! Last night, having that bottle of wine. Anyway what was the point of that? I’d forgotten now.
R: The point was that you’re considering signing up to Firstleaf again so that you never have to dispatch Don out again to get wine.
B: Yes! Yes. It was heaven, but I was thinking how embarrassing it would be… sorry. That’s, eh… a bad reflection on myself.
R: But hang on, the problem was that we never really liked the Firstleaf wines! You know what I mean?
B: I know, but I was thinking last night, maybe if I could find a wine subscription service that was good…
R: Well, remember I gave you the two bottles of wine the week before last, were they nice?
B: One of them was very nice.
R: Oh.
B: The cat one was very nice.
R: Because they were from Winc, that also does a wine subscription. You could check that out as well.
B: That one was nice. The cat one was nice. The thing about Firstleaf was, everything was very jammy, super-sweet, do you remember?
R: I don’t really remember.
B: You were living here at the time.
R: Brandin would love that, loves a super-sweet wine.
B: Everything was sweet, no matter what we said in the comments, it was like, sweet, sweet, sweet. That was annoying.
R: Well yeah, I was always suspicious because they were always a California blend. They never had anything else. Every single one was a California blend, which like, I mean…
B: Well, if we went on a website, potentially it’s a California thing.
R: Oh. Probably.
B: [laughs]
R: They probably have their own vineyard. I’m like, why are all these wines from California?! UGH! [laughing]
B: So anyway, now that we’ve gone through this list, I’m like, we’ve way too many subscriptions.
R: I’m like, oh my God, I need to go to my computer and unsubscribe from at least five things. What are you… is there anything that you’re considering signing up to, other than wine?
B: Eh, I considered signing up to a book subscription service. Then I went in and looked on my bookshelf, and like, I have at least 400 books that I have not read, and I’m now banning myself from buying books until I catch up on my reading. I haven’t read anything since Christmas!
R: Neither have I. Well I’m actually reading Patrick Freye’s, Ok Let’s Do Your Stupid Idea, but I was just trying to grab it there when you were late on the Zoom and it fell down the side of the bed and I was too lazy to roll over and get it.
B: Well I’m reading – I started reading that Lies book, and then there was something else I was going to read… but I’ve now forgotten what it was, so… that’s great.
R: Oh! You know, sorry, here’s a plug – Irish author Sophie White reached out to me the other day and said she’s going to send us each a copy of her new book, Corpsing, which is a series of essays about, I think, motherhood and mental health and… she’s very funny and very smart and her previous two books. Well, no, she has a few books – she has one that I think is called, oh, Recipes for a Nervous Breakdown? And then she has two fiction books called No Filter and Unfiltered, which are about, like, the Irish influencer scene, which are very entertaining, and then this is a more, kind of, serious kind of memoir-style book of essays and she’s going to send us each a copy but you can also pre-order it on kennys.ie so there’s a little shout-out for Sophie because I love her.
B: Rosemary! Keep your plug til we’ve read the book. What if it’s no good? That’d be so embarrassing.
R: Listen! I’m Irish! If it’s no good I’m going to say it’s brilliant. Five stars! Sophie wrote a masterpiece, that’s what I’m going to be saying!
B: I’m obviously not somebody who can let things go because I’m still raging over that review last week that said we were excellent and gave us one star, so I’m going to say she’s excellent and give her one star. Brought down the average!
R: That was actually amazing! Oh, you know what, last thing – I am considering signing up to a vinyl subscription, because I got a record player for Christmas and now own three records and all of my other records are in Dublin and do not look like they’re getting shipped any time soon because I can’t figure out a shipping solution to safely get them over here, you know what I mean?
B: I forgot, we also have a vinyl subscription. [laughs] It’s very good! I’ll send you the link.
R: Oh do! For Gods’ sake. You should just send me some vinyls.
B: It’s nice! It’s like Vinyl of the Month Club, and you don’t pick what you get sent but it’s really interesting and lots of things you’d recognise and then some stuff that you wouldn’t!
R: There’s one actually in Dublin that I subscribed to, called… oh, I think it’s called Loves Vinyl, I’ll find the link and I’ll put it in the show notes, and it was really good. You got three records each month, and it was – I want to say it was like €30 or something? It was really good value. And it was one classic, like, one classic kind of bestselling record, in a whole range of genres, one new and more obscure release and then the third one was one of their own pressings, it was a mixtape of either artists or songs that they recommended that month? And it was a really nice idea. And… I kind of reached out to them, I think, at one point, to chat to them about something and they were really nice. The customer service was really good.
B: That’s nice! D’you remember you gave me a Christmas present of a vinyl subscription one year, on Fade St, and then they went out of business three months later. That was really unfortunate.
R: From Road Records, wasn’t it?
B: Yeah, and it was really good as well. Most unfortunate.
R: They literally went out of business then… if only more people had signed up to that subscription service, they could still be going!
B: Precisely! So if more people could sign up to this Irish one, it could stay going.
R: Yeah! Well, I mean, actually, a subscription service… I know a lot of the time we don’t want to sign up to something continuous, you know what I mean, because we’re like, oh I can’t have another direct debit, but it is a great way of supporting a business that you believe in. And I’m not really talking about, like… I’m not really doing anybody any great shakes by supporting Kate Hudson, you know what I mean? But, like, something like Causebox…
B: Well, I mean, there are a lot of people employed by her!
R: Yeah, true.
B: Well I’d say that’s true of the vinyl ones, etc, but you can never have too much music. You can never have too many books. You certainly can have too many eyeshadow palettes. This is my takeaway from these subscriptions. What is a good subscription? You can have too many workout clothes, so I think it’s more the… the nature of the subscription. And so for people who are building subscription businesses out there, I would think about the purchase, the repeat purchase-ability of the product that you’re selling to make sure that you have a nice wide range of… like, books and music naturally lend themselves to that because every single one is different.
R: Yeah. I would like a nice art subscription service. Where, like… yeah. Where, like, every month maybe you got a small canvas, or a small sculpture, or something – or even, like, those… I bought really nice…
B: Or a pack of cards.
R: Yeah!
B: I mean, notecards, because you can’t… I think my wall space is already entirely taken up.
R: Oh my God, you have not got room for a single ‘nother postcard on that wall. But you do have room in your life to send people notecards.
B: I can’t wait for you to see your birthday present!
R: I can’t wait to see my birthday present either! Okay. Is that it? Are we done with our subscriptions? We have more money than sense, is the conclusion of this entire episode.
B: YOU have a lot more money than sense, is the conclusion. You have way more subscriptions than I do.
R: That’s true.
B: OR you just like to be served, much more than I do. You like things done for you. Served.
R: Oh my God, I do.
B: …and decisions made for you.
R: Oh, I do.
B: And I’m more of an independent spirit. [laughs]
R: This has been…
B: You know what? I just hate – I just hate, though, genuinely I hate – I hate knowing what I’m gonna eat. That’s why I’m not good with Fresh Direct. I hate… the prep time’s too long, but I also… just, ugh, not this faro salad with the pepper, like, just… ugh. The fact that it has been decided for me… Cos the fact that it hasn’t been plated and presented to me, that would be beautiful. But it’s been decided for me, what I now have to prepare. It’s like… torture.
R: You know what it kind of reminds me of, the feeling of it? Cos I’m kind of with you on that… when I’m choosing the recipes, I’m like, oh my God, delicious, that looks so yum, then I put it in the fridge and I’m like, ugh, that’s been in the fridge for two days, gross. It kind of reminds me of, when you buy a dress for an event and you keep it in your wardrobe – you know what I mean, you buy it way in advance, you keep it in your wardrobe. If I’ve bought a dress for somebody’s wedding in six months’ time, and by the time the wedding rolls around, I’m like, ugh that dress has been hanging in my wardrobe for six months, I hate that print, I’ve been looking at it for ages.
B: I love the fact that you’re living so far in the future! I’m literally, like, I cannot put clothes together the night before, for the next day, because when I wake up, I don’t know how I’m going to feel.
R: Oh, I could totally do that now. When I wake up, I know how I’m going to feel. Bloated, tired and unmotivated, so I’m gonna put on a pair of leggings and an oversized jumper.
B: It’s still important to make a difference! To make an effort!
R: On that cheerful note! I was actually just thinking I should start making an effort for Brandin after he put up that video of me rocking back and forth as they all sang me happy birthday and I’m wearing the most oversized, flesh-toned geansaí.
B: Oh well I have to tell you, this morning I took a shower and I shaved my legs – I have to say, it’s come to a low – just my entire, my feminism has reached an all-time low, my self-grooming has… I was like, uh I suppose I’ll shave my legs. I was like, and then as I was shaving them, and the effort that went into shaving them, I was like, Don is so lucky! [laughs] He does not know how lucky he is, with all this effort I’m making for him. I need to get a grip. I need to get out of this house.
R: And then you decided to put on this beautiful green hoodie…
B: [laughing] I found it on the back of a chair! I was freezing, in my defence! It’s minus 9 celsius, in case I haven’t said that.
R: I thought you said you were dying to open the window!
B: To get some fresh air in! That doesn’t make it hot, it makes it crisp.
R: It’s – [pause] Thank you so much for listening to Not Without My Sister. You can follow us on Instagram @notwithoutmysister, you can email us, notwithoutmysis@gmail.com. We are each, individually, on Instagram, @rosemarymaccabe and @beatricemaccabe. You will get us on Friday for a minisode, Tuesday for a full episode… Beatrice, am I missing anything? Oh! Rate and review and subscribe because that’s what really helps us get up the charts, and my one aim in life is to forever be ahead of Tommy and Hector.
B: Oh, my God.
R: What’s your one dream?
B: Rate, review and recommend us to your friends.
R: Beatrice is pointing, so this is very important. Recommend us to a friend.
B: Or multiple friends. Yes, thanks.
R: Oh my God, sorry, can I, just before we finish, my absolute favourite comment of the week was somebody who messaged me and said, ‘oh my God I’m loving your podcast but I had to stop listening to it at work because it’s making me seem really approachable and people that I would usually throw in front of oncoming traffic have started coming over to chat to me.’ Because she’s laughing her head off!
B: That was hilarious! Oh here. Rate, review and recommend us to people in America because my dream is to go viral in America. And be bigger than… what’s his face?
R: Joe Rogan.
B: Joe Rogan.
R: You don’t mean, ‘go viral’, you just mean, ‘make it big’. No one goes viral for anything good any more.
B: Make it big – virally.
R: Oh, God. Thank you so much for listening. Get in touch, let us know what you’d like us to talk about. Feedback is always welcome. Constructive criticism. And five-star reviews. Five-star only. Thanks! Bye!
B: Bye!
